CAUSES OF CONFLICTS IN RELATIONSHIP(Part B)
We are still on personality differences as causes of conflict in relationship.
Characteristics of a wilful person:
1)He thinks with his brawn(muscle)! He relies on his physical and inner strength.
2)She doesn’t care about your criticisms .She does what she feels.
Motto:’I don’t care whose ox is gored’.
3)His ego controls him.Not sentimental or factual.Everything is about his ego!
4)She is unyielding and stubborn: Not impulsive and not laid back.
5)His anger is not secondary to sentiment or facts but ego driven.
6)She relies more on her strength to face any challenge.
7)If he doesn’t take risk,who then takes it? He goes out there beating his chest to dare anybody!
Biblical examples: Samson and Peter(before Jesus’ death)
As I wrap up on personality differences,some points are to be noted:
1)Each person has his/her emotion,intellect and will.
2)However,one or more may be the dominant feature(s) in ones personality.
3)The above personality features are part of our ‘old man’s lifestyle.
4)Let Christ fix the weaknesses in you now before it is too late.
5)In terms of marital relationship,if you are still single and in courtship,premarital sex will becloud your judgement from seeing all these features in your fiance/fiancee.Sex blindfolds your judgement especially when there is no concrete commitment between the two of you.
6)Our personality differences make us unique.They should not separate us but conflicts result when there is no understanding in either of the parties involved.You don’t understand yourself and the other party is also behaving wierd.
Before,I got married,I used to think everybody was like me.People should behave,talk and act like this or that.I was totally wrong! Thanks to God and my beautiful wife that made me to readjust my thinking.
7)I usually give this advice to singles(married people can also learn from it): Before you sign any marriage document with anyone,you must have at least ten ways or adjectives to describe both yourself and your partner.E.g He is reserved,shy,easily angered,strong-willed etc.Your partner too should do the same and you compare notes.
You see,when you do this,it will help you in three ways:
1)Either to accommodate the behaviour by adjusting, 2)Help each other to be better,
3)Run for your dear life!
PAUL AND BARNABAS PERSONALITY DIFFERENCES
I want to bring out two contrasting personality differences between Paul and Barnabas.
Conflicts occured between them in Act 15:36-41.Yes,Apostle Paul also disagreed in the church.However,while Barnabas was emotional,Paul was intelligent.Read the story here:
“Some time later Paul said to Barnabas, “Let us go back and visit the believers in all the towns where we preached the word of the Lord and see how they are doing.”
Barnabas wanted to take John, also called Mark, with them, but Paul did not think it WISE to take him, because he had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in the work.
They had such a SHARP DISAGREEMENT that they parted company. Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus,but Paul chose Silas and left.”(Empasis mine).
Apostle Paul reasoned this way: “Bro Barnabas! use your brain to think.John Mark once deserted us during the first missionary journey when things were tough at Pamphylia.He left us for the comfort of his home.Don’t take this risk again.He might leave us stranded again.Use your brain and be wise!”
Barnabas reasoned the other way: “My brother,my brother,to err is human,to forgive is divine(sobs.sobs!) lets give John Mark a second chance plssss.”
Intellect met Emotion,conflicts ensued.
But if you are chosen as a judge on this conflict,who is right? Barnabas or Paul? Whatever answer you give can also give you a clue the way you think:With the heart,brain or brawn.
Okay let me provide some background teachings.
Do you know the probable reason(s) for Barnabas stand on this issue?
1)John Mark was his cousin! Hmmmmmmm did I just hear nepotism in the church?
“My fellow prisoner Aristarchus sends you his greetings, as does Mark, the cousin of Barnabas.”-Col 4:10.
You see what sentiments can cause even in the church.
Also the early church used to meet in the house of Mark’s mother called Mary:
“When this had dawned on him, he went to the house of Mary the mother of John, also called Mark, where many people had gathered and were praying.”Act 12:12.
God will help us.#I no say anything oooo#pidginEng#
2)Barnabas means son of encouragement:
“Joseph, a Levite from Cyprus, whom the apostles called Barnabas (which means “son of encouragement”)”…Act 4:36.
Paul didn’t have time for those sentiments. Paul took the more rational view: missionary work requires dedication and endurance No chance for lazy bones.
Barnabas was right by saying John Mark should be given a second chance.(Afterall did Paul not get more than one chance before his conversion?).Second chance may allow the weak to become strong.
Paul was of the opinion that Mark should have matured beyond what he did in Pamphylia.
So we have two types of leadership qualities in them:
Barnabas needed raw materials to work on.He had the patience to work on John Mark to be faithful.
Paul needed finished products to do the work.Missionary work is serious ,urgent and target must be met.
God used the decisions ot these two men of God to bring about radical changes in the life of John Mark.
Read what Paul later said about him in his Epistles:
… “And so do Mark, Aristarchus, Demas and Luke, my fellow workers…Philemon 1:24.
Mark was now Paul’s fellow worker.But what if Barnabbas had lost hope in him initially?
“Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful to me in my ministry” (2 Timothy 4:11 ).
Mark was now helpful to Paul.Brethren,don’t give up easily on people!
Do you know it was the same John Mark that wrote the Book of Mark?
However God also used Paul’s stand on Mark to make Mark to wake up and smell the coffee.
We need people like Paul who will not take decision on sentiments even in the church and we also need people like Barnabbas that can encourage the weak to become strong and fit for the Master’s use.
I am out of here,
Till we meet again
Remain blessed and rapturable.